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What are you grieving?

Todd and I were sharing a meal with some friends during this last year and the wife said her counselor had told her grief was like poop, we need to do a little every day or else we become emotionally constipated. I instantly latched onto that idea and started wondering how much else was building up in me I was preferring to ignore, rather than pass?

Was disappointment or envy, competition or pride building within stories I didn’t like and couldn’t control, until I was literally exhausted and unable to spiritually fight? I began to crave more self-awareness. How could I tell the truth when I was afraid? Or sad? Or anxious? What does that kind of daily confession look like and would practicing it change my emotional fatigue in a way any treat I might give myself couldn’t?

I started to be brutally honest, at first just with myself and God. I would say aloud or write down statements like this:

I am afraid they think I am better at something than I really am. I might disappoint them.

I want something that isn’t mine. I will delight when someone else enjoys it.

I am anxious about (this child’s) future. I can’t control what happens to them.

I am sad… or I am mad… or I am… Soon, the confessions I would’ve rather not had, instead of bringing shame (I can’t believe I am feeling/thinking/wanting this) when confessed, brought lightness. My friend’s counselor was right- it felt like a bowel movement, stinky coming out, but necessary. Confession began to look like grieving, (a broken heart over where I had fallen), and grieving began to look like confession (sorry, Lord, for longing for what isn’t.)            

With all the grieving and confession came the unintended benefit of capacity. I want more capacity, because capacity increases impact. When I am not carrying what isn’t mine to carry, I have more room in my heart and mind and hands to hold what God entrusts to me.

https://youtu.be/wmayNs_n3sk
What are you Grieving?, Reckless Faith Moment
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Beth Guckenberger is the Co-Executive Director of Back2Back Ministries and founder of the Reckless Faith Movement. Beth and Todd have a large family they’ve formed through biological, foster, and adoptive children. She is an author and speaker, sharing her experience as a mother, a missionary, and a student of God’s Word.

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